Sunday, February 17, 2008

Sex as a Crime?!?

In a perfect world, waking others up in the middle of the night would to be a crime. Specifically, being woken up by a neighbor because of her loud sex ought be punishable by law. Those who know me inevitably know about our noisy neighbor situation. From September to December 2007 we have documented a pattern of her squeaky mattress between the hours of 1am to 5am. After several attempts of notifying her and allowing her opportunity to correct her habits, things finally came to a head and we reported her to her boss (because she also happens to be our on-site property manager. One would think that with such a responsibility, she would be a role model tenant. Nevertheless...).

Sometimes these habits of hers are accompanied by the playing of really loud music. But generally speaking, we would be woken up every other weekend when she didn't have custody of her young son, estimated age = 7. And when things got really loud, long, obnoxious, or otherwise when I'm pissed off (hey you would be too if you were woken up from deep sleep), I pound really hard on the walls and she stops.

But what I find most puzzling (aside from why anyone in their sane mind would have sex at 3 or 4 in the morning and how does one function the next day, and why she isn't ashamed that she's waking up her neighbors by her loud sex - the presumption of course is that normal people would be) is her behavior.

I have a couple of theories. Theory #1: Initially I thought she was having an affair with a married man who works graveyard shift - hence the wee morning hour lovemaking sessions. This also meant that whoever it is she's having sex with must tolerate her bizarre schedule of every other weekend. I think I have seen this fellow around - he's tall and lanky with shaggy hair. But then this theory was quickly dispelled by the fact that I saw her driving around yesterday with a man who had curly hair. Ok, so this launches Theory #2: she has multiple boyfriends. This "theory" might work if one were to picture late-night partying at bars (this explains the early hours) with a mixture of substance abuse (this explains the prolonged love making sessions).

Last night we were woken up at 4am and nearly 6am by her whoopi-making. And unfortunately, Theory #2 has been thrown out the window too because I saw her walking out to her car with not one, but TWO gentlemen! Neither of whom I have identified to be the tall lanky fellow or the one with curly hair! This leaves me no choice but to conclude Theory #3: she's a nympho who enjoys three-somes?


mj said...

reaction #1: gasp!
reaction #2: wow.
reaction #3: keep us posted!!

curioustacy said...

Hey Natasha! this is way too funny and I had to leave a comment! you should try giving them evil looks. definitely keep me posted on how things turn out. Neway, I hope everything's well with you :) - Soohyun